Elwood completes our family.

What a week.

Elwood "Woody" joined our family on September 22nd at midday.  He weighed in at 3.9kgs, 52cms long and a head cir. of 36.  He was born by scheduled Csection at 39 weeks.

As I lay on the operating table I tried to relax wheras inside I was terrified. The spinal injection had taken a few goes and I was just feeling very anxious but knew that baby was okay as he was squirming around.

As they neared opening the uterus they said you would hear suctioning and baby cry as they lifted him up over the green curtain to meet us.

Suctioning.

A little cry.

No view of bubs.

He was rushed over to the resus cart where a Code Blue was called.  He was really pale and sluggish but moving and noisy so I knew he was okay deep down.

Flashbacks.

Trauma.

Too much for Andrew leaving the room.

Too much for me as I lay there staring blanky at the hospital light above my head in shock.  I felt numb, I felt no emotion I just felt invisible.

They explained baby was not breathing properly that something happened to his lung.  Right there and then they pierced the side of his body with a needle to withdraw trapped air and then inserted a drainage tube to get the air coming.

Spontaneous Pneumothorax.

But why was he so white.

He was off to Nicu while I got stitched up.  I did get one quick touch on his way out and thats when I started crying.  It was real.  It was me again and something had happened to my poor baby.

In recovery I just could not believe that this had happened and that I was going to have to go through the nicu experience again after thinking that could never happen to someone twice, it is too testing, I did not want to prove yet again how strong I am.  I wanted to fall apart.

Tests results back in I had had a placental abruption a few weeks back apparently and slowly baby had been loosing blood as his HB levels were 60 and should have been up around the 150 mark.

I also had 20ml of his blood in my system which proved of this transfusion. The doctors said he would not have survived a vaginal delivery.  They also said we were both lucky to be alive and to go and buy a lottery ticket.

Baby needed a blood transfusion right away.

I found Andrew back in my room still in shock but having called family to come in and support us.

Upon looking at Baby Elwood for the first time in special care I felt nothing.  Numb again.  Distant.  I refused to get caught up in this again, it was too hard to do this again.  The baby looked sick with all the cords monitoring everything but it was not my baby yet.

Day 3 I looked at "Woody" and cried and cried.  He was mine, I was his.  At least we understood what had happened.  All his other tests were clear so we had no worries about his future just his present.  I opened up his humidi crib and touched his hand.  I wanted to climb in there and snuggle him, to be close to him, to smell him not that damn handwash!

Back on the ward I lay in bed listening to all the newborn babies cry.  Mums with their bubs, feeding and rejoicing.  I would do anything to be having sleepless nights, sore nipples and so much love for my baby.  Instead I was on lots of painkillers and in and out of sleep not really remembering that I had given birth at all.

Heading home was the hardest. I sobbed and sobbed as I left my baby in the city and we headed back to the suburbs.

The next morning I got a phonecall that Woody was super stable and they had taken his tube out and that he was coping brilliantly.  They said he was one of the very few babies they have had that only needed a bit of panadol for having a tube in his lung and that he was very resilient and strong.

I could room in with him. Hold him for the first time in 5 days and then take him home.

They took him out of his cot and started taken all his wires out.  With that he got one finger under his NG tube and tugged it out as if he knew he would be on the boob from now.  I cuddle him close as he latched on perfectly and fed for over 30 mins. Best moment since finding out I was pregnant. 

Woody came home on Day 6 and is now 8 days old and our adventure begins............