I have a few spare moments. Pep and I have just made Friands and Woody is sleeping to the sound of the dishwasher and smells from the oven.
I am not really sure what I thought it would be like having 3 children. I don't really think I thought about it much and then it just happened and I don't often have time to think about it.
I think about a lot. I find it very hard to switch off. More so than before 3 kids.
I seem to think all the time......even when I close my eyes my mind is seriously racing.....
I don't really think of anything too exciting either.
My mind is on a constant journey of feeding, the next feed, the last feed, burping, nappies, feeding the big kids, bathing everyone, remembering what notices need to be signed each day and how many $2 coins I need to put in Coopers bag for random things. Have I packed his bathers, does he have lunch?, is everyone in the car? have I bought everyones Christmas presents, have I showered? has anyone cleaned their teeth and how many pieces of cut up paper can Pepper possibly leave on the carpet for the millionth time today? and that pretty much is the loop of my mind.
I can't even cry properly. I want to sometimes when things get too much but my emotions are finding it so so hard to come through the haze that is being a new Mum. I feel such a build up inside but I either just collapse or start cleaning or yelling at someone for leaving something for me to trip over.
I feel like I am on auto pilot most of the time.
I am hoping the Summer holidays will allow time to really relax without having to run out the door each morning. I am hoping my mind can relax with my body and I can really enjoy time outside in the sunshine.
I am also hopeful for a conversation with Andrew that lasts more than 30 seconds and does not revolve around children or trees or some random stupid thing someone did at his work!