Monday, December 19, 2011

Mind.

I have a few spare moments.  Pep and I have just made Friands and Woody is sleeping to the sound of the dishwasher and smells from the oven.

3.

I am not really sure what I thought it would be like having 3 children.  I don't really think I thought about it much and then it just happened and I don't often have time to think about it.

I think about a lot.  I find it very hard to switch off. More so than before 3 kids.

I seem to think all the time......even when I close my eyes my mind is seriously racing.....

I don't really think of anything too exciting either.

My mind is on a constant journey of feeding, the next feed, the last feed, burping, nappies, feeding the big kids, bathing everyone, remembering what notices need to be signed each day and how many $2 coins I need to put in Coopers bag for random things.  Have I packed his bathers, does he have lunch?, is everyone in the car? have I bought everyones Christmas presents, have I showered? has anyone cleaned their teeth and how many pieces of cut up paper can Pepper possibly leave on the carpet for the millionth time today?  and that pretty much is the loop of my mind.

I can't even cry properly.  I want to sometimes when things get too much but my emotions are finding it so so hard to come through the haze that is being a new Mum.  I feel such a build up inside but I either just collapse or start cleaning or yelling at someone for leaving something for me to trip over.

I feel like I am on auto pilot most of the time.

I am hoping the Summer holidays will allow time to really relax without having to run out the door each morning.  I am hoping my mind can relax with my body and I can really enjoy time outside in the sunshine.

I am also hopeful for a conversation with Andrew that lasts more than 30 seconds and does not revolve around children or trees or some random stupid thing someone did at his work!

Breathe.

7 comments:

  1. Bron, thinking of you. I hope that the holidays are just what you need and that you can indeed have a good cry if you need to. Take care of you xxx

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  2. Hang in there Bron. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job so far, and it will get easier.

    I have been looking after a 3rd child for a week to help a friend out, and I am shocked at how hard it is (and she isn't even here full time!).

    For me it is dealing with kids spanning such different 'need groups'.
    You are juggling a baby, a toddler, and a school age child.
    Be kind to yourself.

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  3. Thinking of you Bron - the early days with a newborn are always crazy - let alone when you have other children to look after. Hopefully the school holidays will give you all a nice break - although I'm not sure it will help with the problem of cut up pieces of paper on the floor...

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  4. Motherhood is one crazy ride isn't it? I only have one child so I don't know what it is like to manage 3. I do know that when Emily was born I spent at least 3 weeks in a state of shock. Just going through the motions - survival mode took over. There was no time to process anything. I just had to do what I had to do. Sounds like you are in a similar spot.

    Really hope the holidays give you the break that you need. In the meantime, take things one day at a time, one minute at a time if that is what you need. Motherhood isn't a race or a contest. You just do the best you can with what you have been given. I think you are doing a fantastic job and know that all 3 children have been blessed with a wonderful mother.

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  5. Sending you lots of love Bron, and the hope you can sit alone for 30 minutes with tea and chocolate and have some time to just think about nothing.

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  6. Thinking of you. I'm experiencing exactly the same feelings right now, with a 3 year old and a 2 month old. You put it into words beautifully. Bring on the holidays!

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  7. I hope you have a nice and relaxing summer x

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Thankyou for leaving a comment and sharing our journey. Lovely to meet you via blogging and thankyou for your words. Bron

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