Parenting is a journey and when you add disabillity into the mix it really changes this most often for the better and there are many moments of great reflection.
Like this week.
I often have moments of feeling like I am two types of Mum.
Moreso now with Cooper at school, that during the day I feel like a "typical" mum and then when I pick Cooper up from school I am back to the "three kid including disability Mum".
Cooper is such a big part of who I am as a mum, he was the first person who made me a mum and parenting him continues to be one of the most rewarding experiences. Its just that I feel like a bit of a fraud during the day when I access activities with my younger two and seemingly stroll in without a care in the world.
I never quite know when to give more detail about Cooper. Sometimes when asked I say I have a school Aged child, a son, a big brother to Pep and Woody, but it never seems enough. Coopers disability does not define him but I often feel like it such a huge part of who I am. The fact that Coopers entry into the world was so traumatic has impacted on what I envisioned parenting to be and it still plays a part in my hopes and dreams as a parent.
Although I have little moments of " what if" I mostly watch in amazement as all my children develop. The eldest who was not meant to survive his first 24 hours of life, to the middle daughter who entered this world yelling, and the baby who continues to light up my life every day.
While at home with Pepper and the baby sleeps she asks to do some drawing. She takes the pencil easily from the box with her fingers in a pincer grasp. She rattles off the all the colours and delicately takes a piece of paper reeady to draw. She walks to her chair, climbs up and sits alone, unsupported and steady. As she draws she hums to herself and looks out the window at the chickens. She talks about the letters in her name as she writes them with such control over her pencil. A typical brain is amazing that it just naturally tells the body what to do in a split second without real thought. She then draws a picture of herself, talking about her features and as I look at her real features I see my beautiful daughter, light shining in her eyes, and she has no idea how her just being her is the most brilliant thing I have witnessed today.