Peppers arrival.


The arrival of Pepper.

It is quite surreal knowing when you are going to meet your baby. I wondered what Pepper would look like for such a long time. Both times I have had images in my mind and the babies look nothing like my imagery. I wondered I would I love another baby as much as I adore my precious Cooper? how would she fit in with the family? how could I juggle two children? and how would I deal with all the emotions I was expecting? and how would I cope with watching my perfect neurotypical daughter develop right beside by beautiful boy?

The morning Pepper was due to arrive it was cold outside being the middle of Winter! I think I had slept for about 5 mins that night with all different scenarios going through my mind. Dad came to watch Cooper and Andrew and I headed towards the city for our new life change. We had been driving for a few moments when I felt the familiar pang of a contraction. I silently started timing them and started to panic when they were regular but still faint.

We met with our beautiful Midwife Juanita at around 6.30am. I was shaking. I could not breathe properly. My main fear was that something would go wrong and it was not going to ease until I heard that baby scream.

As I walked into the theatre I could still feel Pepper kicking. There seemed to be so many people in that room. The room that was brightly lit with sun streaming through the window as I looked out across the city.

Firstly I had to have a spinal block but with me shaking so much I had to brace myself onto a nurse while 2 other nurses tried to keep me still. I don;t really even remember why I was so worried, I just panic in hospital environments. The smell makes me panic. My heart rate went through the roof. I felt like I was in a movie watching myself. everything seemed to calm. People going about their business with me feeling like this was the biggest moment in my life since having Cooper.

Andrew was called in very quickly to calm me down which I did immediately as I made him look in my eyes and nowhere else. Up went the screen and on went all the masks for protection. I could still feel Pepper moving. I made sure I remembered this as I can't remember when Cooper stopped.

I felt a huge push and pull and someone climbing on me to move Pep, she was fully engaged so they had to forcep her back up. They used so much suction that I thought was for her!

At 10.49am Miss Pepper Bromley Nichols was born. She let out the loudest scream that could be heard throughout the hospital no doubt! She was alive, she was breathing, she was pink, she moved and she was LOUD! It was all I had wished for, a safe entry into this world and into our family.

When I heard that cry, I sobbed and sobbed, actually I think i screamed as I was too scared to look at her, too scared to see what image had been haunting me since Cooper was born.

Juanita brought her over to me. I looked at her face all crumpled and squished and she was divine. I kept crying as I could not believe how cute she was. She reminded me of a pixie. She smelt beautiful as her soft soft skin touched my face. She did not leave my sight and in recovery as I held her close, I knew I would never let her go as she nuzzled in for her very first feed healing so much hurt in my heart and mind as she did everything I had fantasised about. But this reality was better than my fantasy as it was real, it was true, and it was all mine.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing the wonderful stories i was reading it with tears of grateful. I was searching ''Ning Raming Lodge'' in google thats how i found your blog. Thank you for the lovely flowers that you and Pep gave to me and it means alot.. Miss you guys.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Ning! We miss you too! Hope it was okay to put up a pic of you with the kids :) glad you found our blog and can follow our adventures some more xxx

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Thankyou for leaving a comment and sharing our journey. Lovely to meet you via blogging and thankyou for your words. Bron

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